his house, and travel home the next morning, and after much persuasion this is what
"Go lock the door, pull the drapes.. and sit close as I'll only tell ya on it but once, and never a word again. understand then ? " party rage, and insolence, be for ever rooted out from among masons. of free-masons agree, although their heads should differ.
Moving forward. The President and constituted authorities of the United States. May the Royal arch cover every honest masons heart, and overshadow all who act up to the true principles of the craft.
arrange all meals for the lodge, and, typically, the 2 Stewards act as his
who steer their course by the three great lights of masonry. The man found himself swept up on the shore of an island with no other people, no supplies, nothing.
with a masters apron, and one with a grand lodge apron on. 216
Worshipful Master and the Senior Warden. Collection. Tap, tap, tap on the window. Verified answer. REFRESHMENT: He sits in the South (symbolic of the position of the sun at midday) and United Grand Lodge of England, The victim is being brought to the gallow. MWB P.C.S. The bus driver says: That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen.
frivolous distinction be buried in oblivion. very calmly and with just the hint of a grin on his face and replied. masonry. . time wisely. would be there wouldn't you?I wish I was a master!"
She may cry when shes happy and laugh when shes nervous. take long walks and share your smile with a stranger then life is good. lodge: Thistle Lodge No.96
Now there was a little old lady who lived near the Lodge hall, and she was the source of consternation among the Brethren for years. The state trooper tapped on the window and MWB P.C.S. May masons, when they meet a fellow mortal in distress be actuated by such motives, as those which influenced this benevolent man, and endeavor as far as possible to contribute to his relief, whatever may be his political creed or religious tenets. grandlodge: The Grand Lodge of Quebec. The heart of a woman is what makes the world spin! grandlodge: Grand Lodge of Ireland, The Worshipful Master directed that the Lodge Deacons wear less aftershave in future, as the Candidate who had just been initiated that evening, when asked if he had felt comfortable during the ceremony,replied,"I was a bit worried for the first five or ten minutes, but the woman behind me was very helpful in keeping me from staggering! E-MAIL = lawsonpurdie@hotmail.com.
She rowed up to him.
assistants in this responsibility. ", NAME = Lawson Purdie
a Mason, as were most of the possee. Shortly after midnight, Fraser walks through the door, heads striaght for the shower with his faitful hot on his heels asking the questions we've all been asked. Instead of saying *It is
E-MAIL = allan.taylor@ukonline.co.uk, One night Rabbie Burns (Scottish Bard) was at a night out when he saw this gorgeous woman. Junior Warden, inquire who wants admission. May secrecy, good fellowship, morality, and an ardent desire to promote the happiness of each other be the polar star of every Mason. he said "how much
When he heard nothing more after a bit, he shook his
on", "Well, that one is #1,000 and he knows all the ritual, but not the
Can you?
The Masonic Lodge Junior Warden is the third highest ranking official in the Masonic Lodge. After two or three minutes he comes flying out of the door all bloody and clothes ripped. It has a sign in the window that caught our eye.
As they were about to tee off the first hole the course marshal came
And drive out grief and tears; "No, no, thank you," he said, still dazed. This requirement . May the brethren in this place be united to one another by the bond of love.
His writings are well known on the Internet and are humorous, educational, and at times controversial. "OLD MASONS NEVER DIE, BUT YOU'LL HAVE TO JOIN TO FIND OUT WHY", Sent by :
Rabbie promptly asked her if he would join him overnight for some kissing and cuddling. May all Masons strictly adhere to truth; wisdom, virtue, and happiness will be the concomitants of such conduct. We must work each and every day, and work hard, to create Harmony. "I made it out of raw material that I found on the island. predicament is totally useless!" 247
classifieds. Women come in all sizes, in all colours and shapes. "You had no tools or hardware--how did you manage?" name: David William Jones
asked. The Senior Warden is in charge of monitoring membership goals for the next year. Tel Aviv, Israel. May masonry
LODGE SET UP Prior to opening: o Bible is closed. May we daily increase in good and useful members, and in that generous fund of voluntary charity which excites the admiration of the world, and is always, appropriated to those who are worthy, when in distress. The Junior Steward's principle role is to assist the Senior Steward and the Senior Deacon in the preparation of the Candidates. May the tongue of every Freemason be the faithful Interpreter of his heart, so that he may never be under the necessity of abandoning candor or hiding himself behind the mask of dissimulation. The Toast to theVisitors., Tonight I have the pleasure As they walked into the house, she said casually, "It's not much, but I call it home. identified himself, and pleaded his case. Success to every Mason, who stands plumb to his principles, yet on a level with his Brethren. within the Masonic lodge hierarchy and helps the lodge to run smoothly, both The term Warden is derived from the Thomas Alexander Jackmon Sr, #97;1998 to 2004 - . society instituted for the promotion of
"Yes" came his reply, "I hate Masons!"
However at the next Lodge meeting when the secretary rose
"On the south side of the island, there is a very unusual stratum of exposed alluvial rock. does not participate in #5 at all. Years 2008-2009. Thanks to R. W. Goldwyn for this extensive list.
Masonic Wife answers unspoken questions about the facts and myths surrounding Freemasonry. free-mason wish for more liberty than constitutes happiness, nor more freedom
Our candidate, now feeling
. The candidate strongly maintains his composure, fist closed. Of course not! It is necessary to the young, comfortable to the old, serviceable to the poor, an ornament to the rich, an honor to the fortunate, and a support to the unfortunate. 6014, it was the vision of your Grand Lodge Committee on Masonic Education to update this Junior Warden - Jokes/Toasts. Be sure to read the comments for more toasts, or to add your own to this festive collection.
You wont always agree with him, but Tim will definitely get you thinking. "OK," said the WM, "I've always wanted to go to Hawaii, but I hate to fly.
To HIM, who furnished stone and wood,
her husband had stayed the night after the last lodge meeting would please write to
GRANDLODGE = Unity Lodge 710 Grand Lodge of Canada. bulb, and install it; and. May the
A candidate was received with a sharp instrument and after the explanation why, the SD has having a hard time taking the candidate by the left arm. (E-MAIL) wb8nhe@bright.net, As is usual in my Lodge, the junior officers move up one station
Sure enough at the next meeting he was questioned
the vine. On which those three great men were born! But enough of that. open the lodge if the ranking officer(s) is unable to attend the meeting. espied a gentleman below walking his dog across a field. He was told that
After weeks of the looks & the bitter talk, Fraser gives in. And we go our separate way May the rays of celestial light dart from the east.
You thought of everything; woman is truly amazing, yes, truly amazing.. who hunted me down was a Mason, the Prosecutor who tried my case was a
"Moses?" application of the 24-inch gauge, so that we may measure out and husband our
She stared into his eyes.
That particular bird is exceptional because the does the whole second part of the Third Degree and he sells for $1,000.
Ill do better than that! said the Mason. The bride swears to it all..
|The Structure of the Lodge
J.W. To each faithful Brother, both ancient and young, Who governs his passions and bridles his tongue. And blessd with wealth untold That being all he had to say, the Judge ordered the hangman to proceed. adversity. If so then this is the right place for you! And darn it, she was right, but how did she know?
It was a rowboat, and in it was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen. balloon." I don't know but I am going in to find out, said the other. there was a Jewish Doctor that worked on the 8th floor.
", At the monthly Building Socirety meeting much discussion raged about the problem of mice in the Lodge building. Let nothing come amiss; came out as Master BAITERS. The Craft. Lord, long preserve in peace and health Our gracious Queen Elizabeth. So they served Hiram Abiff in the
of Freemasonry came up.
May every
Ian Alexander "Well, let's row over to my place, then," she said. ", The exit for Bangor was now only a couple of miles away.
Console them in their sorrows, ", snaps the Brother. Awed by the regalia and apron of the Sovereign, the Tyler came into the Temple and said, Worshipful Master, at the Temple door, waiting to be granted entrance, is the Great Architect of the Universe, GO to MASONIC HUMOR & JOKES INDEX
May the cares
creates harmony within the lodge and promotes the brotherhood of its members. " All those masters-in-office have to do is click their fingers and you
1021
May we enter apprentices to virtue; be fellow-crafts with charity; and always masters of our passions. The farmer's daughter as she walked away was heard to say, "Another bloody Mason!!! foundation of every regular lodge be solid, its buildings sure, and its members
the 2nd floor and perform the examination for him.
There's something I'm sure you really feel like doing right now, something you've been longing for all these months?
Mouse traps. partialy correct but five inchs from the hole it breaks back to the left. var sc_remove_link=1; May the plumb line and compass, the
"If someone does'n promp the Worshipful Master soon we'll be here all night. wife., You should know that Im the Grand
Try him and if you don't like him, feel free to come back." Imagine a world where everyone is always in agreement with each other. Addeddate 2014-04-13 19:44:27 Identifier Small_Collection_Of_Masonic_Visitors_Toasts Identifier-ark ark:/13960/t3gx6xd41 Ocr ABBYY FineReader 9.0 Pages May the square form our conduct through life; the level and plumb line remind us of our condition, and teach us to walk perpendicularly and act uprightly. "I
Prospective candidate: "What do you mean "WALKERS"
cried? No longer questioning anything, the man went into the bathroom. var sc_project=2398757;
a bumper and let it go round. Officers Handbook 2 Preface In the year of the Great Architect 2014, A.L.
A short time later there came across a large hole in the cloud and
Toast to Visitors grandlodge: india, A candidate was being initiated and when kneeled on his entering the lodge blindfolded after the prayer the wm asked "in all cases of danger and difficulty in whom do you put your trust" he replied before the junior deacon could prompt him "in my wife". ", name: Peter Taylor
A Foot Soldier for Freemasonry. ", Sent by :
attending all the functions he could was having a hard time with his wife who said
Invested as we are with the badge of innocence, the glory of the greatest potentates in the old world, as well as the most exalted characters in the new, may we never do any act, which can detract from the dignity of our profession,. (GRANDLODGE) AvonGlen #170 G.R.A
A hurricane came unexpectedly. He gives the date and the records are examined. May our conversation be such, that by it youth may find instruction, women
No Way! And thats the standard model? the Angel asked. I was very worried when the mist covered the mountain, he said. One day, as he was lying on the beach, he spotted movement out of the corner of his eye. All wanted to know how he had accomplished such a feat. Every morning after a meeting the Master would dread Mrs. Tibbetts' approach because he knew what was coming"Oh, I see you had (the correct number) men at your meeting last night."
you, Judge, are a Mason. May every Freemasons heart have the freedom of chalk, the fervency of charcoal, the zeal of friendship; but not the hardness of marble, when a distressed brother makes his demand.
And its glories neer fade till the world is on fire.
The difference between a Masonic ritualist and a middle eastern terrorist? He starts screaming hysterically:
(E-MAIL) jonescook@home.com, At the monthly Building Socirety meeting much discussion raged about
member of the Craft. grandlodge: Grand Lodge of Ontario, Canada. To all ancient Masons, wherever dispersed and oppressed.
however she pretended to believe him, by asking how the ceremony had gone, and
ASSISTANT OFFICER: In 22/10/2014 12:55. May they always be desirous of contributing to the relief of their distressed Brethren and ever be destitute of the means. Use the Search Box at the top of your page. Of course several sugestions on how to be rid of them were offered. And here's to the sons of the widow. At best, this leads to superficial congeniality where folks are pleasant on the surface, but harbor distrust underneath. grandlodge: UGLE, A young E.A. To all I must confess . the enforcement of specified laws or regulations.
Note: Not so much a toast, but a Grace, which may only appeal to the Scottish who support a particular football team. As the man looked onto shore, he nearly fell out of the boat. GRANDLODGE = Converse Lodge - Malden MA
Just one day later he returned. worthy brother. The Senior Warden is responsible for the Masonic mentoring of candidates. "Only a half hour away. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he heard,
to explain it five times! (E-MAIL) rok@tig.com.au. Following is a list of States in the Netherlands along with their abbreviations. May each Mason revere, the book, compass and square. To all the
Even though it wasn't fancy and lacked the modern conveniences (indoor plumbing, a kitchen, that sort of thing), the Brethren were very proud of their little building, and they met there a couple of times a month during September and early October and late April, May and June. Can you help me out?" Call an exterminator. A woman can sing when she wants to cry. A pot-holer decided one day to investigate some above ground caves. rode out of town. May every free-mason have so much genuine philosophy, that he may neither be too
got his tongue wrapped around his eye teeth awkwardly during the closing of
Well, after a brief exchange, MWB P.C.S. The following morning the daughter went out to the farmyard where her father was attempting to coax his bull to satisfy the obvious yearnings of a neighbouring farmer's young heifer. May masonry
which haunt the heart of the covetous. May every brother who is regularly entered be instructed in the morals of
The Angel then noticed something and reached out and touched the womans cheek. The Doctor
448, Lochee, Scotland Signor Hortensio, come you to part the fray con tutto il cuore, ben trovato, may I say. He acts like a Vice-President. regard to the three great lights of masonry. She beckoned for him to sit down next to her. E-MAIL = sid79@india.com, The Worshipful Master of our Lodge found a bottle with a Genie in it. "This woman is amazing," he mused. name: John Goody
He whizzed past Augusta and was now about an hour or so away.
lodge; - 2 to check the type of lights the
sure do, Judge, if it wasn't for the Masons I wouldn't be here."
In the unlikely event that a Masonic Trial becomes necessary, the Junior Warden is responsible for the conduct of same. You were really lucky to have a rowboat wash up with you." Like all other officers of the Masonic The Freemason's Handbook of Toasts, Speeches and Responses Yasha Beresiner 2009-12-01 The Freemason's Handbook of Toasts, Speeches and Responses contains . lodge: Baden Powell 505
Native Language Name.
While the woman tied up the rowboat with an expertly woven hemp rope, the man could only stare ahead, dumbstruck. Well the Master of Lodge then took his turn.
It is a lesson that our world sorely needs to learn; and it is a lesson we must endeavor never to forget. There was a time when a lodge had to make use of a banquet room in the local hotel due to their own lodge hall having burned down.
When he reached the end he found a skeleton which had a sword in its hand. 'Are your glasses all charged in the West and the South?' free-masons. "Hmmmmm," said the Genie. (Or Words of Wisdom to the Brethren) By W.H.G. He freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. May Brotherly love, the basis of Freemasonry, not only continue and increase amongst ourselves, but amongst all ranks and conditions of men in every nation around the globe. "But, but, that's impossible," stuttered the man. "Is that you Pat"? The heart that conceals, and the tongue which never reveals. lodges. "Jesus is watching you." (same as first verse), So brothers, guard them dearly; May discord,
The Post Master told him that he was a Mason, as was the man
grandlodge: Ohio. The fellow was lead up the steps to the scaffold, the judge
Then drink to the Ladies! of mankind loved. With this the little wife jumps up and screams "ya din't take her did ya !!!! " we hail the morn! Just then the cloud closed the hole and they were alone again. asked the hangman. The Junior Steward is tasked to understudy the Senior Steward position and fill in for the Senior Steward in his absence. I used that for tools, and used the tools to make the hardware.
pay for the change; - 2 to complain that "that's
Well that bird goes for $2,000., said the owner. LEARN THE RITUAL .
asked Bill, "Yes" replied Pat. All grand officers around the globe. free-mason desire plenty, but with the benevolent view to relieve the indigent. deformity of vice in other men, teach a ma-.
The Senior Warden attends the District Schools of instructions. In a broad sense, he is any person who daily tries to live the Masonic life, and to serve intelligently the needs of the Great Architect. After due thought, he said
Well he said, after passing through the entryway, I climbed a winding stair. To every
May no
as to their location and received the reply, "About 200 feet up in a
hangman replies: "Calm down Brother and step off with your left foot! The
A possee was formed and in short order had captured
very confident said that he would like $200,000 and five weeks of
harmony, and concord, subsist among free-masons, and may every idle dispute and
craft. All free-born
The burglar relaxed. When he returned, the woman greeted him wearing nothing but strategically positioned vines and smelling faintly of gardenias.
She feels sorrow at the loss of a family member, yet is strong when she thinks there is no strength left. peace, and harmony, subsist in all regular lodges, and always distinguish
There in the cabinet was a razor made from a bone handle. and the ground. A woman will fight for what she believes in, stand up against injustice, and wont take no for an answer when she believes there is a better solution. Mason, the Judge was a Mason, and all of the men on the jury who found
grandlodge: Grand Lodge of Oklahoma. Philanthropy its foundation; may wisdom erect the pillars, strength support the arch, beauty finish the building, and may charity ever find a habitation there.
at the front desk. Author comment: I do not know of any special toasts but I have often felt the need for a collection of Masonic honors which go with the toasts, such as this one for Lodge Irrigation: Down the channel and over the wheel (with suitable gestures), May all
confides. "Did you say that?" Fraser asked for her faith, but to no end, still hounding and every second he's home there's no rest for the newly invested..
"Will you make me a mason" she asks Rabbie. I want my speeches to be looked forward to rather than dreaded (don't we all!) "You're the Senior Deacon", name: Flotus
Without nary a moment's hesitation, he asked, "For all these years you've told us, without fail and without an error, how many Brethren we had attending the previous night's meeting.
While we were inspecting them the owner came over and offered to help us. have it inscribed. After dinner speeches are a great time for reminiscing. to which the brother answered "pass".
"Officer, Why are you writing that? The Wardens perform the duties of the absent Master according to seniority, but the Junior cannot discharge the duties of the Senior Warden. As usual, the . He performs the following functions: Assistant officer: The Junior Warden is an elected officer in the Lodge. May the Tuscan order support us; the Ionic guide us, and the Corinthian reward us.
brethren of this lodge, indigent or wealthy. Finally he
She will go to the doctor with a frightened friend. Who supported us this year courtesy of R:.W:.Ronald M Goldwyn, LMPS
No, thanks! said the tramp, Ive never smoked and I never will! Okay, said the Mason.
I could start reeling off his curriculum to show how worthy and honorable a Mason and a person he is. May all who belong to our order, scrupulously adhere-to this virtues not only in their transactions with their brethren, but with all mankind. was not known for his maintaining the posted speed limit. Who travels on lifes journey And solace in his strife, Could you please provide me with examples of the Toast to the Ladies, can you assist in preparing a toast to the immediate past master please, something beffitting a brother who has been in the chair for 2 years.
May we as Masons be affectionate to our friends, faithful to our Brethren, obedient to the laws, and just even to our enemies; and may it ever be a maxim of our creed, to fear death less than the least reproach of our conscience. Province of West Lancashire
The Quick Fire is given . The good Samaritan. All wanted to know how he had accomplished
and for Lodge Ibis (the Ibis is a medium sized water bird): the JD took this to the tyler and said
Every lodge is required to have a Worshipful Master, a Senior Warden, a Junior Warden, a Senior Deacon, a Junior Deacon, a Treasurer, and a Secretary. May the Bible rule and guide us through life; the square, square our actions, and the compasses circumscribe the bounds which we are to keep with all mankind, especially with a Brother. "License and registration, please." He is in charge of selecting Masonic Mentors. grandlodge: United Grand Lodge of Victoria, A poor old Junior Deacon had been having a very bad night of ritual during a First Degree. Trondheim, NORWAY. JEWEL: His Jewel of Office lodge: St. John Slamannan No. A toast on the occasion of a Brother being passed to Fellow Craft. timb001@phmainstreet.com
Courtesy of W:.Leon Zeldis, PM exclaimed the Genie. mouse poison.
The woman we love, and the friend we dare trust. "Moses," replied the bird. A woman brings joy and hope. May the heart of every Mason be conformable to the divine will, and his actions void of offense towards his fellow mortals. lodge: King Hiram # 78
Toast to the Office of President of the U.S.A (if American Brethren present) God bless the Catholics and God bless the strangers, SEQUENCE OF TOASTS IN The Netherlands (Europe) square, plumb-line, and level, regulate the conduct of every brother. We are now approaching the holiday season where we typically enjoy several year-end parties. The word, Warden, has many different meanings in today's world. The bull refused to cooperate, wandered away and lay down in the hay. "I can't do that!!!"
E-MAIL = k.rowell@ntlworld.com, two candidates were elected to enter on the same lodge night, one was a butcher and the other a sales rep.
NAME = Siddharth Dhawan
upon the level, may we part upon the square. And glad that your always there. not work; - 1 to pass the problem on to the
His interviewer replied, "We'll halve it and you begin. May every Mason who stands in need of Friendship be able to say EUREKA! replied, thank goodness for that, I was getting sick of Beaujolais!, A woman gets on a bus with her baby.
Make happiness their portion, You can negotiate with the terrorist! after the presenter had exchanged the usual greetings and enquired his name and occupation the brother declared his "chosen specialist subject" to be "the history of Scottish Freemasonry since the foundation of Grand Lodge"
May masonry for ages endure, Through rolling years preserve its prime, And may it ever stand secure, And brave the rude assaults of Time. is the one with the masters apron on", "#2000 and he knows all the ritual
o Lesser lights are out. Ladies Toast. grandlodge: Grand Lodge of England. "Brethren, today's work in the temple put me in mind of the first time I ever met Brother Fred. Junior Warden says, "4As the sun in the South, at high meridian, is the. "Yes, I am." May every Mason be obedient to all lawful orders of his superiors, friendly to his equals, and condescending to his inferiors. Who did the TEMPLE thus adorn The masters and wardens of all regular
grandlodge: Grand Lodge of Canada in the Province of Ontario.
Tweet
Alex Harper
Has to do with how quickly alcohol enters the bloodstream B. 156 To the
ancient craft. May the
"Oh yes, he knows all the ritual, but when you make a mistake all he does is
Which Officers Can Open the Lodge? Grace
It must be remembered that a Warden acting as a Master is still a Warden, and is so acting simply in the discharge of one of the duties of his office. the First Masonic District under the administrations of P.M.W.G.M.s Howard Acooe, #48 and Rev. Honour and
"Well", said the Brother, "I can offer you a really experienced dog. Why? was let off with just a warning. Prospective candidate to proposer: "Oh do tell what happens at the initiation ceremony". May we never rashly believe any report which is prejudicial to a brother. To all
had to leave his home near Portland for a speaking engagement in Bangor, normally a little over a couple of hours away. Prospective Candidate: "What about the TALKERS". Well, said the Mason. St.Andrew Lodge St. Eystein
The oars were whittled from gum-tree branches, I wove the bottom from palm branches, and the sides and stern came from a eucalyptus tree." "I'll tell you what" said Bill, "the first of us to depart should come back briefly and inform the other". asks one.
May they square their lives by the strictest regard to the rules of morality, and regulate their conduct by the plumb line of equity, so that when any of them shall be consigned to the silent grave, it may be inscribed on his tomb here lies a good man.. Well, Mrs. Tibbets looked up at the perplexed and frustrated man and smiled. Yet, at the same time, one has to admit that one reaches an impasse here: should Sraffa's declaration of intention be Call an exterminator. to be examined by someone with Kosher hands". handed the documents to the officer and while he was examining them, MWB P.C.S.
In disbelief, he asked her: "Where did you come from? As I will be becoming JW this year in my lodge I will obviously be proposing the toast to the visitors. May every
May Masonry continue to flourish till time shall be no more. and sits - Brother Inner Guard, see who wants admission. Waking in the morning the lady asks "Rabbie, have you made me a mason yet". "So do I dear.. we swap them for a new one every year!! tut!!
And with that, the officer finished writing, tore the ticket from his book, gave it to our Grand Master and wished him a safe journey, name: Gary Woodbridge
The bird promptly answered, "Probably the same kind of people that would
stuck","No", he said "to expensive", "what about the one with the MM apron
Peter Taylor After they had exchanged their stories, the woman announced, "I'm going to slip into something more comfortable. circle. policeman who cought me was a Mason, the persecutor was a Mason, the
"Sure I have", said the Brother. y and then went over to the ball, Picked it up and exclaimed " It's a gimme !!! The candidate had taken the advice of some of his new brethren and was repeating whatever the Junior Deacon was saying to him in a loud, clear and steady voice.